*I am SO excited to have another little girl join us soon. Yesterday, I visited my friend in the hospital and held her spanking-new little tyke and my heart ached at the thought of a sweet little one in my arms. Judah has been obsessed lately, with hearing the story of his birth and the story of Haddie's birth when he went to visit her. So yesterday, as I was giving him another well-rehearsed recitation of his entrance into the world, I was sad to think that the time of holding my precious sleeping little ones in my arms is gone. And something that made me sadder, is that I missed out on this with my darling Ezra. I was so sad to think that I wasn't there to cradle him when he was a tiny baby. And the very instinct made me grab him and hold him for the few minutes that he would let me. I look forward to another and don't relish the times when I will no longer be having babies. Oh to cradle a new little life...yet God has made everything in its season. Nothing is meant to be static. And while I am nostalgic at the passage of time, I wouldn't ever want to stay in one moment perpetually.
*Someone aptly pointed out in community group how it is impossible to extricate our sin from our humility. We are called to "humble ourselves" multiple times in the Bible, and even more, per Luke 14, we are told that "everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." I had just been thinking along these lines the night before our group and was just struck by my sinfulness as it has played itself out in various ways that have dealt a blow to my self-view. And I awakened extremely early Tuesday morning (at 3 AM) and was just acknowledging some things I had been thinking/doing lately that really are an affront to God, that have been a pattern in my heart for a while. And I literally was silently pleading with God to teach me and help me to repent and not just for a time, but to be DONE with those things. And FAST on the heels of this prayer, I added: if you do this for me Lord, and change me so that I become more like you, please help me not to be proud about my newfound obedience to your Word. And it struck me then: sin in my life helps me to be in a humble position before the Lord. It seems to be the vessel that brings humility...I guess maybe not so much the sin, itself, as the recognition of the sin. Because as I think further about it, a lot of people continue into deeper and deeper sin without the humbling experience. So I think recognition is key. When I recognize who I am before the Lord, a person capable of the most horrific sins and then I note the actual horrific sinfulness of my heart, humility comes quickly in the form of total dependence: I cannot do this without Him, and there's encouragement when I come to end of myself in that He is stronger...
*There is a song I don't particularly love, but my kids do. It's called "Stronger." They love when we play it in the car and they can raise their hands at the chorus,
"You are stronger you are stronger
Sin is broken you have saved me
it is written Christ is risen
Jesus you are Lord of all."
And yesterday, as I had just come off of wrestling with the whole humility thing, and we were riding in the car, I explained to my kiddos that the song means that though sin in us is SO strong, stronger than anything we could encounter in the flesh, we can be encouraged because Jesus is even stronger and He broke the power of sin in our lives. Well, needless to say, my nearly-four-year-old, two-year-old and one-year-old were not overly moved by my observations. BUT, I was! I am encouraged that He uses the recognition of sin in my life to help me see the differences between Him and me...I am low, but He is exalted and more, He has conquered the power that sin has in my life. Yippee!
*Been reading through the gospels lately. Now, I don't say this proudly, but as background: I am a seasoned Bible-reader who has been reading God's Word consistently for a very long time. But only lately, have I begun to treasure the Gospel and Jesus in the Gospels. I know that does not come across well, given that the Gospel is foundational to my faith. But I think reading through Matthew, Mark, Luke and John slowly, has invigorated my interest in the actual person of Christ and in His work and I am freshly astounded by Him and I'm sad because I'm leaving the Gospel of John in two days and moving forward. So, a truly short list of a few of the things that have struck me on this read-through:
*I love the way Matthew 4:17 records Jesus beginning His ministry: "'Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.'" This was foundational to His ministry, a call to repentance, and that's why it's so amazing that we have so many churches not speaking at all of sin or a need to turn from that sin. This is also foundational to His charges to the disciples as He commanded them to preach repentance.
*His commanding presence must've been something as He was constantly followed.
*His remarkable compassion (as in Luke and His sadness over Jerusalem's rejection of His desire to "gather them as a hen gathers her chicks").
*His remarkable straight-forwardness in calling sin sin...even in the face of the pharisees
1 comment:
Though I can't say that it was an especially brilliant segue into your second paragraph, I, too, have thought of the Luke 14 passage recently. It is most probably because Jon has been in Luke on Sunday mornings. I think it a particularly astute observation what the person in your community group pointed out, i.e., even our humility is tainted w/sin. We are drenched w/that slime, and our pores ooze it. Gross. Sometimes, I'm even proud of humility...but, I am so happy that we have a Savior who sees us as righteous. Glory Hallelujah.
Thanks for the reminder.
ILY,
M
PS Oh, and after my horrific panic attack that left me wrung out and shaken, I actually thanked the Lord that it causes me to depend on Him--alone. Even when I spoke to Dad by phone, he pointed me to Jesus, and prayed w/me over the phone. There is NO ONE like our God. I have tears in my eyes as I write that...but you probably guessed that!
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