Spare Me the Details

When I used to play baseball in the backyard with my dad and many siblings, I would often daydream by covering my face with my glove and stare through the little slats between each finger. Yes, I did this in the middle of the game. I honestly don't know how I didn't get plunked right in the noggin most of the time. I have always been a dreamer, not really engaged in what's going on around me, but often lost in thought about other things. I can remember vacuuming in one clean line again and again because I was too caught up in the book I was reading. I had to be restricted from reading so that I would apply myself to the tasks at hand. I'm pretty sure that's a telltale sign of major dorkage. Surrounded by the chaos of nine siblings, I could easily drown out the noise and when addressed by one of them, would find myself mindlessly repeating their questions because I just didn't want to be dragged out of my reverie to whatever they were asking. I just couldn't be bothered with their drivel when I was in the middle of my lovely trance.

I have carried this dubious ability into my adulthood, easily being swept away into my own head. More than a few times, I have sat at the couch, looking absorbed by the TV, only to have Mark ask me what was just said, and me snapping to, unable to come close to summarizing the answer. The same applies at times to books. I find myself reading and re-reading sentences several times in order to get the gist of the story.

I don't know if this is unique to me. I doubt it, but I have determined that in my own life, it's a lack of discipline because I truly don't care about the details. Being married to Mark is a challenge in that. Okay, okay, don't read too much into that sentence! Understand that I love being married to my hub. BUT, his engineer mind which hangs onto every nuance he hears and can't get enough information, and must weigh every possible consideration- even ones that don't exist and may potentially NEVER exist- has begun to challenge the structural integrity of my lack-of-concentration bubble. When he is immersed in a project (of late, the sprinkler system and lawn installation), we get to study, ad infinitum, drainage angles, countless auto-cad simulations of our potential yard with negligibly different fragments on which I'm supposed to articulately opine, one-square inch pictures of various grass types in consideration of 80% fescue against 70% fescue, staring (for me, blankly) at sprinkler heads to know if we like the oscillating, rotor, spray, pulsating or decorative, watching him put together valve manifolds, leaning over in my pregnant girth to help him measure out various angles, and much, much more! This is only a surface sweep of any of the number of projects that we have completed at our house. The planning stage for each project- whether it be planting a tomato seedling or rebuilding the HVAC system- takes months and months. I am ALWAYS confident that whatever he plans out will not only be done to perfection, but also to the greatest degree of difficulty. So frankly, when I am constantly pulled into the projects with questions like: would you prefer a marginally waved line with the Benda board on the lawn or are you okay if it looks geometric because I want to install them straight?, I have to discipline myself to actually try to be interested. But the truth is: usually I don't really care and even if I did care, I trust him boundlessly more than I trust myself in decision-making because of how conscious he is of making the wisest choice. I like to pop the old brain in neutral and be carried along peacefully from fancy to fancy.

And it is PRECISELY this attitude that has become a problem for me. I have been studying my Bible almost as far back as I can recollect, but still struggle with being able, off the cuff, to identify where certain verses are. Now, I know this is common. But I really think for me, it is because of laziness. For as much as I study it, I should be able to remember numbers. A few weeks ago, in our Sunday school class, we were challenged to consider a specific doctrine. And I noticed myself shifting into off-duty mode and relying on my hub for the references because they come to mind for him so easily. I am always proud of his brain in this way. But good grief! If left to my own faculties, I could have given a brief explanation on the doctrine, paraphrasing verses, but never being able to identify where they were.

The problem is not limited to my Bible-reading. I never remember details of any kind. So any verbal communication from my end to my hub's is rife with error- and often a story in brevity because I can't remember anything that happened. So when I go to the doctor with Ezra, for example, and I come back not knowing how long the procedure will take, what exactly is the problem, what time or when the procedure is, along with all of the other important factors, I am reminded that I need to ask questions and listen for answers. Can I blame it on my pregnant brain? Or how about the three children who despite my chiding, interrupt me at every possible turn when talking to an adult? Or surely the perpetual tiredness is the biggest culprit here? The answer to all of these and more, a big fat "NO!" I know in my heart of hearts that I can concentrate and should concentrate and that any lack of concentration is a result of me being more considerate of me than of others. So as usual, it all boils down to selfishness. Can I get an "ARGH"?!?

But with that identified, it has been helpful to me on the weekends, when I get to secretly observe Mark reading his Bible. We are both doing the same Bible-reading plan, but I only get to watch him on the weekends because the rest of the time, he does it at work. But I have been spying. It literally takes me half the time it takes him. And so finally this morning (he was home to take Ezra to some procedure at some doctor in some place at some time:), I asked him why it takes him so much longer to read. And he said it's because if he feels he's not been fully conceptualizing the details of the passage, then he's not doing it justice. Nothing like a hearty dose of conviction. But it's true. And it's helpful. And lately, I have been making an effort to turn it around! So, listening for details: CHECK! Reading the Bible and afterward, thinking through what I read: CHECK! Getting a lot more out of all of it: DOUBLE CHECK!

Thankful as usual, that He gives greater grace (JAMES 4:6)!