The teaching truckload has been dumped on me lately. I was telling my sister and friend yesterday that something that has struck me in recent days is that I have become much less "laid-back" than I normally feel. I find that lots has been getting on my well-worn nerves and that I've allowed impatience to creep in and intolerance to take firm hold of my heart. There are contributing factors that have aided my flesh (though it needs no aid) in caving to these things- mainly the sickness from pregnancy. Now, DEFINITELY not an excuse...I have no excuse. But I think it a helpful explanation to me as I sort through how to put off these sins and wicked devices.
So, as I lay awake at four this morning, struggling through a sick spell, I started to really pray about my intolerance. I was giving God a recitation of my recent pattern of sin and asking Him to help me to "feel normal" in that I would repent of my spate of impatience. That is not to say that "normal" Amy is perfect. NOT SO! But I definitely have been more overwhelmed lately than normal.
Anyway, as I was thinking through this, it struck me (though it's not profound) that in any close relationships whether family or friends, there are always faults that will catch your eye. As you get to know people better and better, you get to see their sinful tendencies more and more. And it's a reciprocal relationship- they get to see mine, too. So, as I thought through this, I thought about how that's been one of the sidewalk cracks over which I'd been tripping lately, I've been dwelling more on the sinfulness of others rather than overlooking and exercising grace and mercy. The more you dwell on the sinfulness of others and things that are annoying to you about others, the more sinful you become! It's got such an erosive effect. You can't think of the sinfulness of others in detailed ways without becoming angry, embittered, enraged, malicious, and all those lousy words in Ephesians 4:31. Stirring up your own heart toward others is certainly not overlooking an offense, per Proverbs 19. There are a number of other passages I could point to here, but getting down to brass tacks here: dwelling on others' sin will only cause me to become steeped in sin.
And it made me think of Jesus. Yes, you knew I was going there. I thought of all of the closeness He experienced in life on earth. Did He ever go: "sheesh, Peter's SO annoying- he is SUCH a loose cannon and really thinks he's something- he's driving me nuts- he'll be put in his place when that rooster crows!"? And of course, the resounding answer: NO! He NEVER thought like this. He loves His own. And He looks with sympathy on the weakness of the flesh. That's why though He knew of Peter's future betrayal, He PRAYED for Peter, that his faith would not fail, and that he would return and strengthen his brothers (Luke 22:32). I see a perfectly justified reason for Jesus to be annoyed with Peter and his brazen claims that he would go even to death for Jesus, while Jesus, in the know, could see that not only were Peter's claims not true (at that time), but completely reverse. And yet Jesus wasn't annoyed. He was filled with compassion and he PRAYED for Peter's faith not to fail.
So where am I in that? Certainly not Jesus! And I'm not even Peter. I'm Peter, thinking that I'm Jesus! Jesus SHOULD be annoyed by me, but not only is He not, I am elevating myself to judge and jury by not overlooking the sin of others and want to know: WHY CAN'T THEY JUST...?!? Oh boy. God help me- and He has!!! At the end of a long day, after a solid dose of teaching and training the kids, a lack of sleep from discomfort, a night of sickness to look forward to again, I'd better gird up my loins and show grace- and add to that a dash of greater grace because God, who is rich in mercy, has shown me grace! So here's to the Spirit renewing my spirit and in this tiring time, helping me to not only tolerate all the sin of those close ones in my life, but to love them deeply and look with compassion on the things with which they struggle- and maybe a happy byproduct: they'll do the same for me!
Lindsay T and I were talking about this last Sunday: grace, grace, showing God's grace...so as I sit and think about all those close to me in my life, I am praying a prayer of thankfulness. I'm so thankful for my hub, kids, parents, sibs, in-laws and friends! I love all these people, and I know that love can cover a multitude of sins...so next time I am caught in a state of intolerance, I will ask that the Lord would gently show me how intolerable I am and teach me again, to show grace-- even when all I want to do is run and throw up in the nearest toilet! Oh wait, that's TMI. Sorry!
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