Adoption Odyssey

We have been growing increasingly frustrated with the adoption process. It can be quite difficult at times, to know that your child is growing older and older, while paperwork is making its snail-like odyssey through the layers of bureaucracy of different states and nations.

The beginning of our adoption process, August 15th, 2008, we set out with great expectations. It wasn't long before our social worker showed us an available child and asked us if we'd be interested. We hadn't even begun our homestudy! But that initial reality-check soon slowed down.

Mark had always wanted to adopt from an Asian country, as he lived in China for a year. So, after assessing costs and probability, we decided to submit our homestudy to Hong Kong.

That December-ish, I got pregnant with Haddie, and after informing our agency, we were told that Hong Kong would be a bad bet after having another child because of their limitations on timeframe, etc. So we changed our minds and submitted to a catholic orphanage in Taiwan- HOPING to get a referral for siblings under the age of two.

We received several waiting children, but because of the severity of their special needs, passed them up and hoped for ones that fell within our desired range. After months of very little activity, our social worker found one little guy that she thought MIGHT be a possibility- only he was not from Taiwan- he was from South Korea.

I remember the day that she handed us his picture. She said quite plainly that she had a little guy in her hand that she didn't want to give us, unless we were prepared to pass him up because of his extreme special needs. She asked Mark if he even wanted to look at the picture. He declined and I commented that I could see through the paper at his picture and he was cute to me! Mark then decided that it wouldn't hurt to see the picture.

He was cute! Only the list of special needs was great. He had a brain hemmorhage as an infant, in addition to an enlarged ventricular artery on the right side, along with a number of other issues. The prognosis was uncertain because the expectation was that he could have moderate to severe delays. I called our doctor friend within half an hour of hearing from our social worker. Dr. Matt (as we fondly refer to him) said that the news did not sound promising, but that we should let him view the paperwork. I emailed him the file of about 77 pages. And we waited.

I truly wish I had his voicemail still on the recorder. I remember his words and the feeling of elation that followed: Amy, I think it might be better than I thought. He might be one to consider.

That's all I needed! I am almost always ready to say "yes" to even the worst of cases. But I'm thankful that I have Mark, who is a calm balance to my passion...in most cases, I have to be careful to be that person of peace, described in Proverbs 14:30, and not given to passions! BUT, in this case, I was flying high. We talked at length to Dr. Matt and decided that this little guy was going to be the object of our pursuit. All of his issues had resulted from being a preemie and had self-resolved...with the exception of one. When he was only a couple of months old, he had surgery on his inguinal hernia. The surgeon missed and hit his bladder and was unable to fix it. So our boy is catheterized until he can have an artificial bladder made when he is six or seven.

Upon accepting a referral for our son on January 7th, we began more paperwork. We had to complete fingerprints for the Dept. of Justice, for the local police, for the FBI and for Homeland Security. We had to file an i800, an i864, an i600 and an i600a. We are thankful to one of Mark's coworkers for giving us free notary service whenever we needed it (so far, about six times). We had to send off more records and update our passports. After filing with the field office in San Francisco in April, we learned that United States Citizen and Immigration Services was no longer heading up adoptions as of July. So our paperwork was transferred to the National Benefit Center in Missouri. After calling them multiple times, our paperwork was FINALLY sent off to the National Visa Center in New York. After calling them several times, it was sent off to the United States Embassy in Seoul, South Korea- its last stop before we receive a travel date.

So, where we're at: in a holding pattern. In many ways, this summer has been a holding pattern for us, and I am realizing, a trial for us. I have always been hesitant to call things in life "trials", unless there is extreme duress. I think of Brother Yun as undergoing trials...REAL trials are where people truly SUFFER for Christ's sake. But I have since modified my thinking and am trying to biblically align it. It seems a trial/test, is anything that you endure that tests your faith in Christ. Obviously, that can be a very broad range of possibilities. So I don't want to be a drama queen and call everything that annoys me a "trial." But I also want to be careful not to acknowledge the true difficulty that I think we've endured in this situation. It has been HARD waiting. We are missing out on many moments with our son, Ezra Tyndale. This morning, I received another update on him that said he was walking, running and loves hugging those who are familiar to him. And my heart's sadness increased-- I want to hug him and for him to hug ME!

We are in the final stages of the process. And yet it seems that as we draw nearer, the challenge to remain at peace is greater. But recently, I was musing about my description of God to Judah. I looked at a building and said that God is even bigger than that whole building. And then I thought further and silently acknowledged that God is bigger than this whole universe. I don't even understand such absurdity! And I thought of Psalm 103. I don't know why He would care for us or what we do, how we live, or about the puny (and sometimes irreverent) prayers that we offer. But it was helpful to remember:

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;

16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.

17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-

18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

Before the wind blows and there is no memory of me and no evidence of my existence, I am thankful that God still sees fit to abundantly bless. I keep hoping that in a hundred years, when I am long gone, that Judah, Ezra and Hadassah will have their children's children keeping His covenants and precepts and being the recipients of His everlasting love.

In the meantime, we keep waiting and praying...