The trip was such fun! We didn't tell the kids about Disneyland until Saturday morning (when we were headed there). They could not have had a better time. It was thrilling to watch them enjoy all that Dland had to offer. I could not ride anything big, because of my pregnancy, but contented myself taking the Littles on Fantasy Land rides, while Mark took the boys on the big rides. When waiting for the boys, we went on the no-wait carousel three times. After the boys had their fill of Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and Indiana Jones, we spent the rest of the morning to the evening together on various attractions. I thought it was funny that Haddie kept noting that her favorite ride was the carousel. Booper made it obvious (by crying when we were done each time), that she was in agreement.
As a family, we spent our last bits of energy on the carousel around 8:15. And that's when it hit. There were four horses next to each other and the kids all mounted those while Mark and I stood guard between the hind quarters of the horses. The incandescent lights of the carousel were nothing less than idyllic and I looked from my kids to my hub. Maybe it's the pregnancy that got to me, but I just felt a sense of nostalgia as I glanced at each. My kids are young now, but it won't always be this way. My hub is young, though his graying head is starting to betray him. And I'm no spring chicken! It occurred to me that my kids will grow up and have their own families, and we won't be a part of their regular vacations. They will make their own way in life, and Mark and I will be left to continue growing old...until we die. Yup- Disneyland- the happiest place on earth!
But beyond the morbid thoughts, it struck me that this is what the elderly talk about in life. They say stuff like: it feels like just yesterday that I got married, had kids, graduated from college, or any other such reminiscent flash points. I know I will do the same. And so I am reminded from our sweet time together, that my prayer should be constant: "So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" (Ps. 90:12).
Numbering our days means that we consider that we are vapors...that life is short and outside of glorifying God, is absolutely without meaning. If I'm not numbering my days, my nostalgia at the Disneyland carousel would quickly degenerate into a desire to control things around me, to somehow fight the calendar and try in vain to keep my kids from aging, and after fruitless efforts at doing that, I would sink into depression because I would realize that all my life is vanity. Rather than numbering my days, I would be treating my days as countless, and the result would not be wisdom- but foolishness. My hope would be resting on the joys the world had to offer and not considering the gravitas of eternity. May I not be so shortsighted as my life ebbs and flows.
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Oh, my gracious. Dad and I had a lengthy talk about this just last night! We were remarking that, inside, we don't feel old, and that we understand now what that means when we've heard older people say the same thing. We also remarked how our kids (and those who aren't our kids) may not think that we understand how they think...but we do, because we've been there before. We may not always be UNDERSTANDING, but we absolutely understand. Sometimes, I'll even watch an athletic feat, and think that I can do that, too, but I can't. Inside, I can, but the outside continues to age and waste away. Ah, happy thoughts! Hopefully, I am being renewed inside--day-by-day--but even that, sometimes, is not the case.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." Ii Corinthians 4:16
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