A Little Perspective, Please!

After Judah was born, I decided that any subsequent pregnancies would be different for me: I would not allow myself to get caught up in the time, eventually feeling desperate to get the baby out of me. One of my friends, Martina, is a great example of this. When she's pregnant, she loves every moment! She cherishes the juncture and in fact, sort of relishes NOT having the baby. She was two weeks overdue with her first, and didn't seem to care a lick. And then there's my friend, Lindsey. She didn't seem as overwhelmingly INTO her pregnancy as Martina, but her perspective was one of nonchalance-- although in fairness, this is also a personality bent for her. Yet it does seem like a great part of the population of pregnant women simply love being pregnant, including my sweet sisters-in-law. I'll have some of that, please!

Anyhow, I did better with Haddie, though it helped that I had Judah to chase and distract. But still, in the end, as the wonderful bouts of acid reflux picked up, I began to dream of days when I wouldn't be pregnant anymore.

This particular pregnancy has been the worst yet. It's not just reflux, it's constant nausea, not to mention physical maladies like nagging back pain, and fatty-mcfat ankles, feet, and face. Then there's the fact that I am ENORMOUS and am pretty certain this baby will be no less than 15 pounds. Plus, many a well-intentioned person has mentioned how large my baby "bump" (maybe "mound" works better here) is, and I get embarrassed and want to hide out for the rest of the pregnancy. When I insecurely asked the doctor if my belly was measuring particularly large, he gave me a round-about answer (yes, pun delightfully intended): Honey, that's how we all feel in pregnancy! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!? Yes, he did say "we." Granted, he's on the quirky side, but still, why wasn't he answering me about the rotundness?!? Well, truth be told, I actually am grateful for his lighthearted answers. When I pointed out the bruising on my legs and questioned the reason for them, he said, "Welcome to pregnancy" without a hint of concern.

Anyway, those symptoms tossed into the mixer with the three other children that I'm chasing around daily have made for a pregnancy that has presented me with challenges in the area of perspective. As I sat in church, struggling again to breathe last Sunday, our pastor spoke on "bearing our cross." He mentioned that this does not mean bearing consequences of sin. In fact, he specifically used the example of a pregnant-outside-of-wedlock person being told that "this is her cross to bear." He made sure to point out that this is not what Christ is calling us to...

Bearing our cross includes dying to self through the submission and surrender of my will to His (Galatians 2:20); it also includes dying to my flesh- the things that I have to have NOW (Romans 13:14); and finally, dying to the things of the world- the cares and love for anything not bringing glory to God(Galatians 6:14).

So as I sat there, trying desperately to raise myself in my seat so that I could give my lungs room to breathe, I thought of the way these things should play themselves out in my life- in the immediate. And I jotted a quick note of bullets, particular to me. I won't bore you with all of the details, but first on the list: I need to die to myself in the patient endurance of this pregnancy, especially as it has ramifications in the lives of my immediate family. In my sickness, I don't have a right to be impatient toward my sweet little ones that the Lord gave me. I must treat my precious hub in a way that still displays grace, even after the travails of a long day of discomfort. And more, I needed to put off my longing to be done with the pregnancy. One way of doing this: not dwelling on things that aren't real. When my mind lingers on: oh wouldn't it be fantastic if my water broke right...NOW!, I know that I have given way to dwelling on things that aren't real and then the problem comes into play- my impatience steps up a notch. I try not to count the days, I rarely have an idea of the week I'm in, not only because I have a hard time keeping track, but I don't want to expeditiously keep track, because it has proven to cause me to become impatient in the past. Things that promote my patience:

*Dwelling on the task at hand
*Being involved in the lives of my children- reading to them, teaching them, watching them play, pitching to Judah so he can learn to hit better, etc.
*Making sure to fill up my mind with good things in reading-- I'm always in a book outside of the Bible and taking the time to read and highlight is exceptionally helpful
*Being sure to cook and clean in the mornings so that I don't feel distraught and overwhelmed by the day's end
*PRAYING!!! I'm focusing on praying harder for others- and not just me:)

There are more things that help to occupy my mind, but these are just a few that I try to do daily so that I don't look back and feel ashamed at the way I handled myself in the few short weeks- the brief season of pregnancy. It's a wonderful blessing-- even with the sickness!