I Think I Can...

This morning, I was reading to Judah a pop-psychology, self-help story on the value of positive reflexive-talk. Okay, I'm labeling it that to make a hyperbolic point. It was "The Little Engine That Could." Now before my last two readers run for the exits, I actually want to state my case before I am labeled an "extremist." Oh wait, that would probably be a fair label.

The little engine is lacking confidence as she (yes, it's a girl in this version) gazes up at the hill that she has to climb. But by uttering the famous mantra, "I think I can," she gains steam and makes it over the hill. The last part of the story, her mantra has changed tenses, "I thought I could."

After reading the story, we went about our business, and I overheard Judah playing with his toys and repeating, "I think I can." I believe he was just parroting me, and I know with certainty that he didn't understand the significance of the statement. So, I decided that we needed to talk about the story and put it in proper perspective.

After explaining the five tenets of solas, I went through the five points of Calvinism with him (JUST KIDDING). But, I explained that without God, that train couldn't go anywhere. No one can do anything apart from God. He causes our hearts to beat, He alone gives wisdom and understanding, He's in control of all things. And our puny accomplishments are a result of His work ALONE. I told him the little train would've shown proper understanding if she'd said, "I think God can" instead. But then I quickly revised this to "I know God can, but may choose not to through me or anyone else." Okay, I didn't really say that last one out loud. But I did try to think through a better pithy statement for the train. But my talk was too much for my glazy-eyed son, so I offered him an Otter Pop and sent him on his way.

But, all of this got me thinking...

How easy it is for me to put confidence in myself! I am a major do-er. I love to try things. From athletics, board games, cooking, cleaning, reading, writing, I love to try to gain some level of mastery. Mark always laughs at me because he says that if I can't gain mastery, I won't even try.

Lest you think that I am driven by a competetive spirit, I'm not. I am competetive, but I don't mind losing. I do love mastery, though! BUT, I notice that over the years, my accomplishments have diminished, though the joy I get from accomplishing has remained the same. I used to accomplish things in the athletic arena...those things were widely recognized in that world. But time has changed that. Now I find myself happy over my accomplishments at home: YAY! I made a meal without a hair in it!!! Okay, I know that sounds majorly vomit-worthy, but after both of my pregnancies, my lustrous locks began falling out at a rapid rate and it was hard to keep track of them. Thus, I began praying before dinner parties that I would not lose any hair in any food! Mark has suggested I use a hairnet! How embarrassing! It doesn't matter, my hair has finally started to stay put (for the most part), so I am back to trying to whip up fur-free fare.

Anyway, in all of this, from my softball accolades, to my hairless delectables, I can easily steal God's glory. At times, I like to borrow just a smidgeon of His glory and cock my head to oneside, mentally listening to my private applause. I usually snap out of my self-obsessed revelry pretty quickly and think, "REALLY, AMY?!? Yes, you're the first person to make a good lasagna. What's more, I'm pretty sure that God might enjoy my lasagna. COME ON!" As I've grown to a ripe old age, I've been quicker to recognize that it is ALL God!!! He gives and takes away...

Yesterday, in reading the parable of the talents, I was thinking about how nice it must be for the person to whom God has given many talents. God must look down from heaven with a smile-grimace at the one with the two talents. But the one with the five- I'm sure they walk together in the garden!!! Again, it didn't take me long to figure out what I was placing my value in: human accomplishments. The parable of the talents isn't about THE TALENTS...the greater amount is still meager compared to a much greater God. There is no value to people's accomplishments- it is the heart behind those- the heart that seeks to bring glory to God in all things. God isn't impressed, as if He needed anything from us...

Wicked lady that I am! I am no different than that little train at times. So I must remind myself, "I know I can't without God."

Soli Deo Gloria!