Preparing My Heart for the Unexpected

We just got approved by the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (Department of Homeland Security) for our Taiwan adoption(s). This was the final step before our dossier was submitted to Taipei, Taiwan. We are thankful that God has provided the finances for us to be able to get to this point, and are continuing to pray for provision as we look to complete our adoption(s) before the year is out.

On another note, Judah's toilet-training is going surprisingly well! I don't think further details on that are needed:)

The title of the post alludes to my recent prayer for our family: that God would prepare our hearts for the unexpected! There is only so much preparation for all of life's events that we can do. And I think that as a newer mom, it's so easy to get caught up in methods and trying to maintain sanity through routine that if that routine falls apart, it is easy for me to fall apart.

I experienced this with Judah in the past couple of months, as he turned two in May. I cannot stand attributing everything to "terrible twos," for reasons I am still trying to work through in my own thinking. Either way, though, we did find that he hit a time of real testing for us. His sin nature loomed large as he began to defy us through his routines. He stopped going to bed easily, he started to say "no" more, and even had a couple of embarrassing (although good-for-mom) meltdowns. I think what was most troubling for me during this time was his overall unpredictability. I didn't know what to expect during naptimes, from one day to the next. I began to dread bedtime a little bit more in the evenings, knowing that it was going to be a gird-up-your-loins time of testing!

CONSTANT prayer throughout the day for wisdom and to maintain patience, is about the only thing that allowed me to get through a rough spot with him. And that is not to say that it's over...but we do see some major improvements and are SO thankful that as of now, God has made his little heart pliable enough that he is being obedient. That is not to say that we won't hit more rough patches- in fact, probably more rough VALLEYS than PATCHES. But, I think one of the greatest lessons for me was that I had put hope in cruising in the routine: naptime- 11-2, bedtime- 7-8, morning walks, breakfast, toys, books...I could set my clock by every activity of my child. And without realizing it, I began to think that I had rights to my own time...to an afternoon of peaceful working when he went to bed, to good behavior on walks, to lots of evening time with Mark, and to profoundly deep sleep-ins in the morning.

I am the first to admit that "me time" is a STUPID notion. There are no rights in life. But when God gives gifts/blessings, I think I began to unwittingly think that I had rights to these things. So, when Judah decided to buck the system for that month and a half, I began to unravel. It was tiring making dozens of disciplinary trips to his room to let him know that it was nap/bed time! But in the middle of that storm, I remember distinctly sweeping my floor and waiting to go back into the room, and praying out loud that God would help me to be obedient and patient with my son and that even if circumstances were NOT to change, that He would help me to accept these things with grace! And the implications of this prayer loomed large in my head as I began to consider that in the coming months, we could go from one small child, to four small children. And so I was left with the nagging/desperate question: Will I be able to handle that? Well, the answer is obvious: OF COURSE-- not because of me, but because whatever God allows, THAT I will be able to handle! But, I don't just want to HANDLE it. I want to do my duty well, to exceed for the Lord- to work at it with all my heart as for Him. So, my hope for this lies in the verse: "No temptation has overtaken you, but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation, will provide a way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it" (1 Cor. 10:13). When I exalt my desires and think that I have a right to time, even if the time is spent in a "worthy" manner (as cleaning, cooking, Bible-reading, praying, etc.), I recognize that I am setting myself up for failure. God's GRACE ALONE is what has allowed me time in the past, and it is what MIGHT allow me time in the future. And with potentially four children rearing the ugly heads of their own sinfulness-- I surrender! No method will get me through, and guarantee that my children will come out at the other end as God-honoring individuals. Only His Spirit can do the work, and He will do it with me or despite me-- so I hope that it is as the former!

Anyhow, not knowing what's around the bend for us at this time (OR AT ANY TIME), all we can do is pray that He will prepare our hearts for the unexpected, that we will continue to seek His wisdom and will through prayer, Bible-reading and the provision of the Holy Spirit. Now, I hear my child calling from his room. Nap time for today is done-- praise be for the break!!!