Oops

I know, I know!  I have let the time lapse between posts.  It's not that it's not been on my mind, because it has.  And a few of my faithful readers (my siblings;), have reminded me that I have not written in a while.  It's not for lack of material.  Nor is it for lack of desire.  It's simply due to lack of allocated time.  This summer has proven to be busier than the school year was for us- so much so that I am relishing the idea of getting back to routine, to rigor, to rhythm.

But of course, in my busy life, I am learning that I need to better enjoy the journey.  Yes, I am having a lot of fun.  But, I notice that I also tend to count down the days until such-and-such (which might be causing me lots of time in preparation) is over with and completed.  And it is preventing me from enjoyment of those moments.  As a mom of four, I am beginning to realize that my life has taken an unexpected turn and I am now filling the role of in-house event-planner.  As the kids get older, gone are the laissez-faire days of free-play and unstructured activity.  Cue the replacements: charts for daily academic activities, scope-and-sequence outlines, and reams of educational regalia.  With the exception of little Booper, the children have begun their foray into charted territory, and in great anticipation of what's to come, I find myself a bit unnerved and ever-so-slightly sad.  Because I've found myself moving from activity to activity with the eager hope of levity after the burdens of preparation are lifted, I have not as much found myself reflecting (not to mention cherishing) the moments of gravity.  So I think my job now is to embrace the burden of the busy, recognizing that the work IS the fun.

In related news, something I view as a microcosm of my current state, we went on a lovely annual adventure with our community group to Twain Harte this past weekend.  Knowing that we would be spending inordinate amounts of time at the beach at Twain Harte Lake, I prepared myself mentally for such.  To my unfettered lay-reader, you might question me on this point.  However, essential to your understanding, is the backdrop: I'm not a huge sand fan.  Mostly, I like to think of sand as a metaphor.  Sand is sin.  It is dirty, it is everywhere, and it's impossible to clean it all up.  Yes, that's how much I enjoy the stuff!  But, don't get me wrong, I endure sand for the sake of the children and my DH.  They simply love it.  It is made into whimsical castles, looming mounds, or according to my Haddie, "chicken and salad."  I've just got no use for it.  However, knowing that I would not be allowed to just relax on the beach reading a magazine or book (as I might have done pre-child), but rather, that I'd be required to engage in sandy activity, I decided I'd have to check my selfishness before we got to shore, and realize: I'ma just be dirty, sweaty, tired, gross, poked, prodded, and everything else for the day.  And guess who had a sand-blast???:)  Little old me!  Watching my kids delighted with God's creation and my husband do the butterfly stroke in the water (yes, I find him to be VERY attractive when he swims- and just about all the rest of the time) was enough to quell any desires in me that wanted to be clean, reading, relaxing, eating grapes off the vine fed to me by- well- my husband:), because even though it was a vacation, it doesn't mean that I get to have it the way I would want it.  I found myself content to be on the beach for those eight uninterrupted hours, enjoying the others' enjoyment.

How is this a microcosm?  Because at other times, I've thought of sandy adventures as something to be endured.  If only I can get through the hours of filth, discomfort and sun-exposure, things will be back to normal soon.  But that was not my mindset this time.  This time, I would find a way to enjoy it all.  And that I did.  When I don't think of the end goal of just getting through things, I find the experience of it all to be worth the efforts.  So, I am determined in the upcoming year that I am currently planning out, I won't view the planning and implementation as something to just get through- but rather, as part of the process that brings pleasure.  This time in my life is passing by so quickly with my sweet little ones.  Though we are never called to look out for our own interests, because of the age, and thereby, dependence of my children, this is a season particularly dedicated to looking out for the interests of others rather than my own personal interests (Philippians 2).  And the things they are learning and loving should not be considered a burden, but rather, a blessing to me, as I partake in their delight.  Therefore, I'm determined, by the grace of God, to enjoy the milestones!